Official Edward Cullen appreciation thread.

[Mehrunes]

/Dailythread

I woke up today in much stupor, my eyes were covered in wax, ears plugged with earwax and two chapped lips which stuck together from the wetness when I drooled for my imaginary boyfriend Edward Cullen. Nothing to do other than get on the computer I suppose. My feet ached from the strain of moving my legs along, I shouldn't have consumed so much cheetos.. Everyday... All day. I wonder when my parents were gonna give me the pocket money to buy more cheetos? My phone was ringing like crazy, it shakes for a few seconds, before dropping back to its passive self. The time where it shakes lessens and lessens before it goes silent all together. I lumbered my slobby body to the chair, ready to see what was going on in the Ace of Spades Forums.


Threads were going on about official appreciation threads, getting much views at a time, I thought to myself, if I could get that many views, will I be famous and have people blow me after I die? I smashed my fingers against what was left of my keyboard, with only memory guiding me which of the cheese caked keys were of each alphabet. "OFFICIAL EDWARD CULLEN APPRECIATION THREAD" I almost lost consciousness from the strenuous pressing of the keys, their contents and titles behold. I scream to myself in fantasy as I imagined what the people would say, and make me famous for an eternity and increase my ego a thousandfold. As I thought to myself how great life would be after the postage of the thread, everything went black.


I woke up amongst the cheetos wrappers that hugged my gelatinous shapely body, I turned my head around, only to see the all sexy Reuben--- I mean Edward Cullen right by my side, I gasped, as Edward pressed himself against my woobies, covering himself in my bodily grease. He moaned in sexual frustration as he rubbed himself all over with my body grease, which turned me on too. He tries to tug me onto the bed, only to fail, as his arms fall of in a bloody mess, from sheer weight of my body. I crashed through the floor, but I did not stop at the ground, as the it gave way before me as I dropped down into a seemingly endless abyss.


I woke up yet again, on the chair, in front of the computer. It was just a dream. A horrid nightmarish sexy dream with my true love Edward Cullen. As I heard myself saying Edward Cullen, I smashed my ham arm onto one of the disfigured cheesy mass on the keyboard, coincidentally refreshing the page, to see multiple posts on my sexy beautiful gusty thread. They were all horrid, they were talking about Bella and Edward being together! I couldn't bear with it, that another god damn women wants to take my man! I gripped my sausage fingers and smashed it through the monitor, my whole world collapsed before me, hatred for Bella grew strong. As my cholesterol levels caught up with my heart, an electric shock and whiteness, then there was none.

[Paratrooper]

>Edward Cullen
>Appreciation

I dub this thread a troll thread.

[USABxBOOYO]

Stop making these "Official Appreciation Threads" already.