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the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

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the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby jdrewlowery » Wed Sep 26, 2012 10:50 pm

the voxlab chronicles is a fan serise for ace of spades telling how i think the aos lore is such as why they are fighting , why green and blue , and other things :
ch.3 :
While the blue soldiers were buzy building a new home the greens were buzy testing and trying to make new guns . The greens were puzzled by this new technology . They started to try and craft new guns . The first gun was eazy . They put a greanade and a rifle into the crafting table and out poped a shotgun ! However the secend gun was harder to make . When all hope seemed lost a new adventurer tried to enchant the rifle . Only one came up : RAPID FIRE . BEHOLD THE SMG ! They finaly were ready for battle . They had made new guns and had trained there men . Now the greens would be comeing for the blues .

ch.4 : from the eyes of a blue soldier :

it was a bloody day i remember . there was blood everywhere , people screaming , children crying , it was bad . but ill start from the begining . morning , not much i woke at 4:30 and got ready to go to work . after breckfeast i went to my sniper tower . i just played cards with the mates . this was one of my downfall's . lunch : i never saw it comeing . my sandwich was keeping me buzy from seeing all those greens sneaking through the grass . they saw us though . the north tower was the first to fall . it was so fast no one even had a chance . the west and east fell at the same time . most of my mates were able to get out befor our tower fell but one couldnt make it out . jimmy , he had a family at home , poor guy . the only soldiers that remained were my [u]squad[u] . the others were all gone . we had to give the farmers guns
. i told my squad to fall back and reinforce the walls . they wouldnt lessen . they rushed the greens . i saw my own men fall one after one after one . i had to avenge them . i did when i was done only a few greens remained and they were starting to run . present : im trying to find surviors theres few but there there . we find a medic and make a small camp to tend to the wounded . there were alot . future : we are going to start a new base . they have chose me as there leader
. all hall bee-cool face . i am there leader . green will die for there actions !
i hope you enjoy so far , if you want to tell me my mistakes u can , if you want me to add anything just tell me . enjoy
~ jdrew
I'm nooby and i know it
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby sportsfan2 » Thu Sep 27, 2012 2:53 am

I like your creativity...

One suggestion though, you might want to brush up on your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. It benefits everyone :D
Last edited by sportsfan2 on Mon Oct 01, 2012 12:00 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby jdrewlowery » Thu Sep 27, 2012 3:12 am

sportsfan2 wrote:I like your creativity...

One suggestions though, you might want to brush up on your spelling, grammar, and punctuation. It's benefits everyone :D


thankyou , im sorry
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Leonzable » Sat Sep 29, 2012 12:01 am

This is awful
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Aeroclaw » Sat Sep 29, 2012 12:04 am

Leonzable wrote:This is awful
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby jdrewlowery » Sat Sep 29, 2012 1:39 am

Leonzable wrote:This is awful


im sorry , wehat can i do to make it better then ?
ps the final chapter will be sunday or monday
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Articsledder » Sat Sep 29, 2012 2:59 am

jdrewlowery wrote:
Leonzable wrote:This is awful


im sorry , wehat can i do to make it better then ?
ps the final chapter will be sunday or monday


Use proper grammar. No one will ever take you seriously if you don't.
aend tehn teh cahirs began to snip
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Sniper101 » Sat Sep 29, 2012 1:29 pm

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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Socrates » Sat Sep 29, 2012 5:28 pm

Yeah like what they said you need to adjust your grammar/writing skills a little bit. Its a great idea though! However your chapters are all way to short. Like wayyyy tooo short. Even for a short story. I'd imagine this whole story would fill up about 3/4 of a microsoft word page. You should go into more detail and explain things a bit more in the story, give us more detailed description about the battlefields, famous battles, etc. Include the names of the forts/bases where things happened and where that fort was, and how big it was (ex, a small outpost on the borderlands of the blue territory or something). But again, good idea!
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Carrotstick » Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:19 pm

Articsledder wrote:
jdrewlowery wrote:
Leonzable wrote:This is awful


im sorry , wehat can i do to make it better then ?
ps the final chapter will be sunday or monday


Use proper grammar. No one will ever take you seriously if you don't.

Guys,don't be an ass,he might learn english as his 2nd language,and all I see that he's trying.
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Afrodude4 » Sat Sep 29, 2012 6:23 pm

Actually, I'm positive that jdrew is American. He has no excuse for such horrendous grammar.
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby jdrewlowery » Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:27 am

Afrodude4 wrote:Actually, I'm positive that jdrew is American. He has no excuse for such horrendous grammar.


i am sorry you guys are right just because im 12 dosnt mean i should be lazy , ill make sure the final one is the best . thankyou all for your input on my story it realy helps
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby JoshuaConcon » Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:52 am

Carrotstick wrote:Guys,don't be an ass,he might learn english as his 2nd language,and all I see that he's trying.

Yeah, but that is still no excuse to use proper spelling.
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby Ki11aWi11 » Sun Sep 30, 2012 2:01 am

Aeroclaw wrote:
Leonzable wrote:This is awful
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Re: the voxlab chronicle ch.3 and 4

Postby JoshuaConcon » Sun Sep 30, 2012 2:04 am

Ki11aWi11 wrote:
Aeroclaw wrote:
Leonzable wrote:This is awful
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